Baby baby

As I enter my third trimester I’m noticing lots of changes, physically and emotionally. For one thing I’m a lot more tired during the day and finding it hard to get going with what needs to be done, but then again I’m sure that’s due in part to my coughing/tossing/turning/bathroom-dashing keeping me awake at night. What I wouldn’t give to feel refreshed in the morning!

I’m getting horrible backaches (I’m surprised they are just showing up now actually and not earlier on as they did with Willow), they’re a pain but I can deal with them. I have soo much trouble bending down to pick things up too. Willow is actually a big help there and will gladly pick things up for me. It’s gotten her in the habit of tidying up her toys and stuff more that’s for sure. She’s a good girl. Despite this I can’t quite get Stephen to remember to put his stinky socks in the hamper and not just throw them on the floor! I’m sure it’s all amusing to him.

And then there’s the increasing concerns I have about what it’s going to be like to have two. A newborn plus a very active toddler! In what ways my life is going to be turned upside down with late night feedings, nap schedules, diaper bag packing. Whether nursing is going to be successful this time round. What strain it’s going to put on my marriage. What it’s going to be like for Willow etc etc.

Stephen is on another planet from me and from the pregnancy altogether I think. For him, it’s not real until he’s changing a stinky diaper. Till he can physically see and hold the baby. He won’t talk about the baby unless I initiate the conversation and he gets irritated when I grab his hand to make him feel the kicks in my stomach. I can’t count how many times he’s rolled his eyes at this. It annoys me at the time and I get frustrated at him for not sharing in my excitment but I know that's just the way he is. He’s just one of those guys ... babies aren’t his thing. He is, however, an absolute wonderful Daddy to Willow though so I can’t complain. I guess ‘cause she can love him back. She adores him and loves when he comes home from work and flies her through the air on his legs, or throws her all over the bed. She giggles and says, ‘more flying daddy!!’

I think the fact that we are having a boy though might be hindering his excitement a little. I know he’s nervous about how he will feel about having a son and probably doubting whether he will be able to love him the same as his little girl. But in a few months he’ll see he needn’t have worried. That he’ll have just enough love for two and loving a son is just as easy as loving a daughter. It wasn’t too long ago he was fretting over how he was going to play with a little girl.

I’m so excited for us but nervous at the same time. I still can’t believe we are going to be doing it all over again after a 3 year gap. How different a Mommy will I be this time? Hopefully I’ll be a more relaxed one having gained some experience and some idea of how this is meant to go. It will be interesting to see just how that comes into play. With Willow I just didn’t know how long anything would last or what to expect and had lots of moments where I desperately wondered what we had gotten ourselves into having a baby. How people actually got through it. But baby, or no baby, life can be stressful enough by itself. There are always struggles to get through. At least a baby brings with it joy and fulfillment, even if it takes time. Not to mention the smell of baby lotion, those cute little gurgly noises, the first gummy smiles, snuggly cuddles in the rocking chair (which needs a good clean now that I mention it!). I so miss all that stuff. And there’s also all the stuff I haven’t even got to enjoy yet! Such as cooking in the kitchen with my children, or crafts and activities, taking them on little educational trips to museums and parks. That will be fun :D

So I’m going to wait patiently a few more months for my little guy to make his way into the world and join our family. And in the mean time try to give Willow lots of attention and love and kisses. I just hope I don’t get too much bigger. Three months can make a big difference but if I grow any more huge (huger?) then I’m just going to have to hide away inside ‘cause there aren’t going to be any more clothes to fit me!